stupid vampires

So Amanda and I went to the midnight premier of Twilight tonight and yes, it is now 4:20 in the morning and I don't think I'll be sleeping at all tonight because I have to be up by 5:30 anyway to take Tiff to seminary. The movie was good, as true as the director could be to the book without making the movie 4 hours long (not that any of us would have minded seeing another 2 hours of it). I must say, however, that I feel sorry for the boys and men of this generation because those of us of the female persuasion have some pretty high expectations now. There was an audible intake of breath in the theater when Rob Pattinson first came on screen and pretty much every time after that. It's difficult to imagine he was the "dark horse" to get the part. He understood Edward and got his eyes down to...well... Not to mention the other vampires (Jasper..ummm...wow). Kristen Stewart was well cast, she seemed to understand Bella as well. So now I've lost another night to these beautiful, man I wish they were real, vampires. Between the books and the movie... Who needs sleep anyhow?

So my girls and I were looking through my old high school yearbooks the other day, laughing at the 80's hair and clothes (being a little disturbed actually at how back in style some of them are) when we came across my best friend, Steve Hoemann. Steve was my jello buddy, we did everything together, and knowing what I know now about the true nature of friendship I didn't value him nearly enough then. He lost girlfriends over me when I'd show up at his house at 2 in the morning in tears because of some jerk I was dating and because we were pretty much inseparable. He was 100% in love with me but knowing I didn't feel that way about him didn't affect our friendship at all. I didn't realize how much of a toll it really took on him until after I was married and had Amanda and I wanted him to meet her. She was about 6 months old when he came into where I worked, job hunting, and I asked him if he'd come over to see her. We got to my parents' house where he stopped on the front porch and said, with tears in his eyes, "Jess, I can't do this, I just can't, I'm so sorry," and turned around and walked away. That was the last time I saw him or heard from him. After looking through those yearbooks however, I decided 18 years was long enough. I'd had his address for some time and finally had the courage to email him. Thankfully, he wrote back. He's married and teaching high school in Minnesota. He has two little boys who are ADORABLE (I love technology, instant pictures). What took me by surprise was how much I missed him. Like a little piece of me was finally back home. He hasn't changed much, a bit less hair and a few more laugh lines, but his eyes and smile are still my jello.

Some Things Never Change

There are 3 things in life that are forever the same - death, taxes, and high school football. We went to watch Frederick's game tonight in Fort Lupton. They lost (their coach is a moron but that's a whole other issue) but I'm always amazed at how the games and atmosphere never change. I've been out of high school longer than I'd care to think about but the cheerleaders are still doing some of the same cheers we did and the marching band uniforms....well....you know. The hair styles and clothes may be different but that Friday night lights electricity will always be the same.

Family History

I spent a good portion of the morning at the family history library at the stake center learning how to use the PAF software. After going to the temple yesterday I've decided Brent's family has waited long enough and it's time to start doing their work. It's amazing how many Sabecs there are! I'm looking forward to getting them all sorted out and finding who belongs to whom. Now that I've got the family files all set up and organized in my computer I can start really hunting. Many of the names Brent and I won't be able to do for quite a while because of the 50 year rule. But I figure I can get all the information together and keep it so my kids can get it done. But we will be able to start with his great-grandparents. The spirit I feel helping people I don't know is amazing enough. I can't imagine how it will be helping people I do.

Here we go again!

So I'm taking Tiffany to get her driver's permit this afternoon. This one's going to add a few more grey hairs! She actually is a pretty good driver, I'm just not ready to check another one off my list. At least Tiff listens to me. I finally had to hand Amanda over to her dad to drive because the answer to every comment I made was "I know!". We'll see how it goes. If stock in L'oreal hair color goes through the roof we'll know why!

Children of the Corn

I got to take Amber and a few of her friends to try out Miller Farms haunted corn maze tonight. They're opening it to the public tomorrow night and we got to go be part of a guinea pig group to test it out. The tour started with a scary story about abandoned, sunken coal mines, ghosts, Indian spirits and goatsuckers (I never did quite figure out what those were). We then loaded into a hay trailer and drove about a mile out in the middle of the corn field where we had a "guide" waiting for us. The path meandered through the corn where we would hear an occasional rustle or noise. The guide would stop every once in awhile and back track like he was lost and the further we got in the more active the corn got. Finally he sent us forward onto a path saying he would catch up and promptly disappeared at which point the fog machine got cranked up and we were left on our own for about 5 minutes. It was definitely an example that fear of what you can't see is far worse than a zombie right in front of you. Even some of the adults were beginning to freak out a little by the time the owner of the farm rescued us and walked us back out. The "ghosts" continued to follow us all the way back to the farmhouse and the girls were keeping an eye over their shoulders even as we walked back to the car. It was so fun to watch them enjoy being scared. They're still young enough not to need blood and gore to be impressed. Definitely time well spent.

Our Forever Family Day

On July 26, 2008 our family was sealed in the Denver Colorado Temple for time and all eternity. We had so many friends and family who were able to join us in celebrating this amazing time. After close to two months I still can't quite wrap my mind around it. The vision of my children all in white is something I will never forget and I'm thankful they are all old enough to really remember the experience.

Ahhh, young love!

So my 15 year old daughter has a new crush. He's the starting tight end on our local high school football team and an all around good kid. Fortunately, that crush goes both ways. It's so fun to watch them do the "I like you and you like me but now what do we do?" dance. They smile at each other a lot but when it comes to actually talking they lose any ability to speak at all. And any time my daughter does manage to get a few words out she spends the next half an hour lamenting how stupid she sounded. Like tonight she left him a message asking him when his first game was so she could go. We were driving in the car and all of a sudden I hear this deep gasp from the back seat with an "Oh boy..." I could sense her sudden adrenaline rush and almost hear her heart rate triple. The conversation was short, when and where the game was, ending with an "Okie dokie, I'll be there! Bye!" This guy really has her flustered. "Oh my gosh! I can't believe I just said okie dokie! That was the most retarded thing that could have ever come out of my mouth! Grandma says okie dokie! He probably thinks I'm the most retarded person ever!" Actually, I'm thinking he's probably walking about 3 feet off the ground right now because she said she's coming to watch him play and I'm sure his mom will have something to say about all this when she brings his little sister for piano lessons in the morning. We've been dropping hints to each of them about the other for a loooong time.

What I love about all this though is how it brings back those feelings and memories of when my husband and I first started dating. The butterflies, the blood pressure spike that happened every time the phone would ring because it might be him, the electric shock when his hand would brush mine. And the hope that maybe he would be thinking about me right that moment. After almost 19 years our love has deepened and become something every girl dreams of. I am not only loved but cherished and we are still very much IN love. But there's nothing quite like those first few weeks of discovery and excitement. It's fun to be able to enjoy that with my girls.

Back to school

School starts in a week. I'm never quite prepared for the end of summer. I wish there were some way to put a recording under my kids' pillows and have them learn through osmosis while they're sleeping so they could just stay home and we could play all the time.

I'm only sending three back to school this year which is a little weird. My sophomore is excited to go back and see all her friends, but not so much for the actual school part of things. She's got a tough course load this year including two advanced placement classes. My seventh grader has been ready to go back since the middle of July. She's starting at a new school this year and says she's looking forward to the opportunity to start over. My fourth grader would be content to sit at home and play video games for the rest of his life. He told me over the summer that he could learn everything he needed from his ps2 and DS so why does he even need to go to school? That was one the best laughs I had all summer...

They all love back to school shopping though. My two younger children are attending a charter school so they get uniforms. I love that, it puts everyone on a level playing field that way. I learned a long time ago to give my high schooler money and let her do her thing when it comes to buying clothes. Fortunately she has good taste and knows our standards when it comes to fashion. Not to mention she's one of those girls who could put on a potato sack and make it look good. They all love buying school supplies though. There's something satisfying about new binders and pencils. You can learn a lot about a kid by the folders they pick out.

So $400 later, it's time for them to go and I'm back to an empty house for the majority of the day. It takes me a bit to adjust to that, I get lonely the first few weeks of school. Don't get me wrong, I'm not just sitting around being bored. There's just no one to stand across the bed and laugh while we fold laundry now.

nighttime

I've had insomnia since I was about 8 years old. I remember many nights as a youth going downstairs and watching television all night long, or laying in bed checking the clock every few hours, only to find that 10 minutes had passed.

I've learned over the years to appreciate this little quirk in my physiology. Nighttime has a music all its' own. Coyotes don't talk to each other during daylight hours. My dog chases cats in his sleep and my husband worries about things at work a lot more than he lets on. I know because he talks about them all night. I get to hear the aspen trees whispering and I doubt there are many who have seen as many falling stars as I have. Rain smells different at 3 a.m. than it does in the afternoon. My neighborhood moves to a completely different rhythm at night.

With four children, three of whom are teenagers, the middle of the night is one of the few times it's completely peaceful at my house. I've done a lot of my best thinking and brainstorming at two in the morning and treasure the conversations I've had with my Heavenly Father when my brain is too full to sleep. And there's not one Harry Potter book I've finished during daylight hours... Not to mention my girls are always home on time because they never know if it's a night I'll be up. Sneaking out? It's not worth the chance of getting busted.

Don't get me wrong, I do sleep. But those nights when I know it's not going to happen it's no big deal anymore. That's what naps are for.

summertime

I love summertime. I grew up on a cul-de-sac of 12 houses. We would head out right after breakfast and roam the neighboorhood until at least dinnertime. We'd ride our bikes, go crawdad hunting, play football, organize our own olympics, spend days at the pool, and our parents didn't worry if it was a few hours between check ins. We'd pick a different house every day for lunch, depending on who had what in their refrigerator (ok, Chad has hot dogs, Ger has peanut butter sandwiches, all I've got is spagettios) and me being the only girl in the bunch wasn't a big deal to anyone. In fact, I always won Kill The Guy With The Ball.

I feel bad sometimes for kids now because they don't get to grow up with that kind of a carefree life. Between art camp, baseball practice, dance classes, golf lessons, swimteam practice, gymnastics and every other very worthwhile activity, there's not much time left to just play. And heaven forbid I ask my son to turn off the video games and go out and ride his bike. It seems sometimes imagination is a lost art. Not to mention if my kids don't check in at least every 30 minutes I'm ready to call the police. And have to seen the cartoons lately? Ok, I'm an admitted Spongebob Squarepants junky, but what happened to Speed Buggy and Grape Ape and Bugs Bunny?

I do agree that children today have definite advantages, and they need those advantages to succeed in the world that will be theirs' as adults. But I often think those advantages come with a pretty high price tag, when I see a six year old walking down the street talking on a cell phone, or when a stick is just a stick - instead of a sword.

musings on graduation

So, my oldest daughter just graduated high school and suddenly I'm left feeling...mmm...lost. We're entering uncharted territory here in a part of life I didn't ever really think I'd reach. Suddenly my little pig-tailed girl has sprouted wings and is preparing to fly and I don't know whether to be thankful she's a strong-spirited young lady who is ready to take on the world or pull her onto my lap so we can watch Sesame Street and Barney and eat Cheerios together. I certainly don't feel 18 years older so I'm wondering how this possibly could have happened. How did I miss the last 18 years? I remember when my kids were younger and "old" people would say, "Enjoy them now because they'll be grown up before you know it!" and all I could do was smile half-heartedly while I had one by the hand, one screaming on the floor in the throes of a herculean temper tantrum, one climbing up my leg saying "Mama! Mama! Mama!", and a baby in the stroller exercising his lungs. Enjoy it? I felt lucky to be surviving it! I did survive it, but I certainly didn't enjoy it enough. I spent time wondering when life was going to start and sometimes missed living it. I miss the park, bedtime stories on the couch, princess movies, dressed up tea parties, bathtime...ok, maybe I don't miss Barbie and all her accompanying splendor, but so many little moments I took for granted. More patience, more playtime, more cookies, more laughter - more time please.